Feeling Blue…

Tossing and turning in my bed I think about all the things you said,
It’s hard for me to let go of the past, to give up on the dream we had.
Every morning I wake up alone, I miss your arms holding me strong,
Echoing of a void in my heart, the empty bed not slept in for long.
They tried to warn me you’d break my heart, told me you’d tear us apart,
I didn’t want to believe any of them, ignored the signs right from the start.
They say it’s going to be alright, I am going to move on with my life,
Maybe I don’t want to, maybe I like this turmoil, this inner strife.
I wish I knew what was broken and I wish I knew how to fix it all,
But raking my brains all night long, I just keep hitting the wall.
Every moment was like a perfect symphony written for just me and you,
It seemed so real yet a mirage, and now I am all alone feeling blue.


The one that got away!

Those innocent brown eyes drawing me in,
That friendly stranger looking at me, smiling!
A playful conversation, no malice, no lies,
A melody of raptures playing in our eyes.
That stranger soon became a friend, a confidante,
Oblivious to the world, I was safe in his arms.
The impetuosity and immaturity of youth,
The feelings I felt seemed like the sole truth.
One step amiss and it all came tumbling down,
Like burly clouds turning to tiny droplets on the ground.
With many years gone, I still wonder what could be,
As I look back at an unfulfilled childish fantasy.


An ode to friendship

I know that together we can move mountains, just let me hold your hand,
Though timing’s off; we’re in a place where it’s hard to tell a foe from a friend.
I know you’re down, and you don’t know where to lay the blame,
But, whenever you’re brokenhearted, just close your eyes and call my name.
I promise to be there when the ground is shaky, or even if heavens fall,
I’d be in your corner and have your back, no matter if the sky is bright or pall.
For you, I’d run through rain and woods; cross the seas and scale the mountains.
For now let’s take a step at a time, and enjoy the wet grass and the sparkling fountains.
So take my hand, let’s take this leap, let’s live in this moment however ephemeral,
‘Cause When we are together I can feel the fireworks, this electric feeling is so surreal.


Summer Love

As I turned thirteen, the whole world seemed anew
As if a present from heaven, the very next day, I met you!
Silly, adorable little things you did, to make me laugh
I was bursting with feelings I never knew I had.
It was a summer I could never forget,
Hopes and dreams in our eyes, and no regrets.
Overwhelmed by new experiences and new emotions,
Furtive glances and surreptitious meetings;
It felt a lot like love, a sweet intoxication,
As we navigated through the arcane rules of dating.
An era of landlines and communicating through friends,
It had its own charm, though now it seems out of trend!
Like the summer, it lasted for a short while,
And turned everything yellow and bright.


Discovering myself!

As I looked in the mirror I saw a reflection,
It was my face, yet I felt I was staring at a stranger.
Disheveled and raw, craving for affection,
The bloodshot eyes full of fear but also danger.

Questioning every choice every decision I ever made,
I wondered how it would be if I had not stayed.
Eyes brimming with tears and my throat choked,
I will not cry, with a shaky voice to myself I croaked.

Tomorrow is a new day, and there will be many morrows,
Nothing stays the same, and so will this feeling change;
Everything will fall in place and all the thoughts rearrange,
With this I coaxed my heart into looking past the sorrows.

Fettered by fears of Phantasmagoric flashbacks of horror,
I felt trapped in the tricky maze of a haunted mind.
Wrenched into a vortex of endless pain and terror,
Swimming feverishly towards a shore that I could not find.

At last my feet touched the swiftly flowing sand,
A stranger standing before me with an extended hand.
Warmth flushed my cheeks on a cold winter night,
Taking away the darkness in my heart with his smile bright.

One touch and I could feel my pain drift away,
In tandem with one another, our bodies sway.
At first it felt so surreal, like a beautiful dream, a fantasy,
How could a stranger put me in such ecstasy?

That stranger was no stranger at all, but a part of me,
Waiting to be free,
Free to love, free to laugh, free to cry, free to just be.


Swaddled in pink!

As soon as the baby was born it was swaddled in pink,
Moulded to meet society’s expectations even ‘fore her life could begin
As she grew older they gave her dolls to play with and taught her-
From infancy, that her beauty was her sole weapon, her entire self,
So, she learnt to mimic the doll, to sit quietly on a corner shelf.

Slowly shaping her mind – captive in her body – to fit,
The narrow dimensions of her frail frame approved by the society.
Taught to spell ‘boy’ before she could spell her own name,
She learnt to take a back seat and allow the man to lead,
But, no man could shadow her fiery spirit and dim the light within.

Her heart defied every trained response of a mind bound in chains,
Amidst her sex she experienced rapture she could not explain.
They shook their heads and clicked their tongues in disapproval,
She chose to love wrong, they claimed; shamed her and spewed hate,
Yet, with her, stood many, who had succumbed to this obloquy.

No martyrdom could make it right, yet it had to be revolutionary,
Every voice deserved a place in a strong collective narrative.
Every story together to vindicate women’s rights for eternity,
The ‘second sex’ came forward to unravel the ‘feminine mystique’
A lie lived for generations, a story of every baby wrapped in pink.


Seeing Red!

I felt the wind in my hair,
The ice – cold chill in the air.
That metallic smell in my nose,
My eyes, the colour of a rose.
The salty ferrous taste on my tongue
A sharp pain and then it was all numb.
The beautiful white snow,
Tainted with specks of red.
The dread that only I know,
I felt it aspirate from my head.
My body fell into an abyss, as I watched,
It felt surreal, like I was just a spectator.
I felt like I had transcended all fear,
I felt I could let go of all that I held dear.
I opened my eyes and saw a familiar face,
My heart beating and pounding at a faster pace.
In that moment I realized that,
You can’t live your entire life in E flat!


I wake up in the middle of the night!

I wake up in the middle of the night,
Sweating and screaming in fright.
A broken heart and a broken soul,
I wondered if I would ever feel whole!
Carving my heart with your fawning adoration and romantic gestures,
You marred my soul with your subterfuge as you peeled off your angelic vestures.
Surely, soon after, I felt a pain, sharp as a knife,
Plunging me into an abyss of self doubt and an inner strife.

I wake up in the middle of the night,
Your memories making me cringe at my own sight.
I refused to acknowledge that I was in pain,
Putting up a brave front, hiding the open vein!
At least he did not hit me or push me around, in the beginning, I’d insist,
But the scars on my soul ran deeper than any physical pain you could inflict.
Writhing and reeling in agonizing pain and misery,
I realized the price for freedom of my sex was to be repaid with usury.

I wake up in the middle of the night,
I tell my friends about my endless plight.
Sleepless nights and insatiable hunger,
I couldn’t hide the signs any longer.
Eating my pain away and gorging on sugary treats,
I was shrouded in a gloomy pall and a veil of defeat.
Looking in the mirror I would see a stranger staring back,
Holding a glass shard, ready to sever an artery, with a whack!

I wake up in the middle of the night,
I decide it’s time for me to fight.
I mustered up the courage and talked to someone,
That’s when I knew that I wasn’t alone.
At first I smarted as I relived each and every excruciating memory,
And then, I picked up the pieces and put myself back together deftly.
On the road towards mending my heart, I was able to walk
Only because I realized in time, how important it was to talk.

No longer do I, wake up in the middle of the night,
I spring at dawn with a smile, as the sun shines bright.
As the sun shines bright.


Uncaged emotions…

All my life I muffled the voice in my head,
Too afraid that someone would hear.
Locked up my desires where no one could see.
Forgot all about it, and now they even elude me.
Filled with farrago of flaming fervor and fettering fiats,
Try to break free from this lurid lattice of gilt cages.
I sit with composure and a pinned up smile,
Vexed with volcanic emotions inside.
Told by the world to know my bound(s)
I am finally liberated with entropy, newfound.
Tired of sitting and wallowing in self pity,
It’s time I take charge of my destiny!


The Mirage

I oft dream of lives foregone,
Living in this world, forlorn.
As unfaithful as a mirror,
I see a world that could be!
Fostering a futile fantasy;
A perverse proclivity,
for a phantasmagoric paradox!


First crush!

The warmth of your arms and the touch of your lips,
An embrace so tender and light like a bird’s feather;
The look in your eye that makes my heart skip,
The sound of your raspy voice that drowns all others.

You make me smile a little wider with every passing moment,
Your absence makes me hurt a little deeper in agony and torment.
How did I let myself get swept so far away from the shore?
Drowning, gasping for air as the waves before me soar.

Untamed, my heart began to beat with a rhythm anew,
My lips curled into a smile at the mere mention of your name,
My happiness, joy, sadness and gloom all became tethered to you.

Against my better judgement, my mind – a conscript in this game.